Mendelian Genetics

Bassssically, I'm SUPER hungry right now. Gah :( I love sitting in the study lab in the life sciences building. It's pretty empty today and there are huge windows so I can just sit here and relax and look out the window while I wait for another two hours to roll on by. So today I have an interview with a company for a full time receptionist position. This sort of job is WAY desirable over what I'm doing now. I am very, very grateful I have the job I have now because it is income, but it's way out of my comfort zone, and it just doesn't feel right being there. So hopefully I do well in this interview and get selected for the position. That would be amazing. Pray for me! I did just have a short moment of crisis just barely as I thought I had got the time of the interview mixed up and was currently missing it. However... after much deep mental thinking and retrieving of information, I remembered my interview is at 1:30. Not 11. So huzzah! to my memory.
I'm reading a book right now called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. Basically, it's a psychologist's dissection of what he experienced in concentration camps.It's really interesting. However, if you aren't interested in the psychological aspect of concentration camp stories, I wouldn't recommend it. It's more of a psychology textbook with experiences to back the logic than it is a story book. Anyhow, it's good. I enjoy it.
Today is most likely going to be a long day. I won't be home until about 9:30 when I get back from work. I just finished class, so I'm going to wait here at MCC until about one and then leave for my interview. From there, I'll just go straight to Tyler's. Then, from his house, I'll leave around four to go to work. Sooo fantastic times ahead of me for today.
In other news, I'm not drinking soda for all of December. I actually stopped drinking it on Saturday and decided to replace my soda drinking with water drinking. I can't tell you how great it feels to start craving water rather than soda. Tis fantastic. :)
Welp. I really wish I had brought food and my headphones with me. This is going to be a looooong two hours.
By the way. I HATE Mendelian genetics.

Lemon-berry slushie...

Divine.
I think I gave up on that whole, day 1, day 2, day 3... etc, posting thing.
So Thanksgiving was very enjoyable yesterday. It was pretty different from my usual Thanksgivings, and it was the first one I had away from home, but it was good nonetheless. I do hope I am able to come home for Christmas, though.
I know I'm a nerd, but I love http://www.freearcade.com/.  Addicting, but very fun if you can find the right games.
I guess this post is going to be pretty random.
Tyler is sleeping right now and looks adorable. I love it.
Speaking of Tyler, I believe we're going on a "date" tonight, consisting of getting sandwiches at Sprout's and then a Redbox. We'll see if it actually goes down.
This computer randomly erases half of whatever I'm doing whenever I use it. It just erased half of this post, so here I am, re-writing it.
I think I'm going to play a game now.

Churchy renewing my hopey

I must admit.
This morning when I woke up, I was not feeling happy, hopeful, grateful, healthy, etc.  Basically, it was me against the world, with the world taking a big, big lead. To make matters worse, I have been going to church alone lately because my roommates either go to different wards or go home or just don't go, so I was looking forward to feeling like a loser and sitting by myself all through church. By the way, isn't it funny how often we base our decisions off of how people will react or what they'll think of us afterward? Isn't it enough just to be ourselves and be loved for everything we are? I suddenly feel inspired.
So, I got ready for church and sat on my bed in my room pretty much the whole morning doing stuff on my computer while I waited the time away. When I actually got to church, I was feeling quite depressed. I was most definitely down on myself and on my whole situation in life (mainly the fact that I still don't have a job, but no worries). I picked a random bench and sat next to a woman who I'd never met before. While I was sitting in sacrament meeting, thinking about all of the terrible things going on in my life and wondering how I will possibly ever make it through, I was extremely moved by the talks. Apparently it didn't cross my mind that the topic would be on gratitude due to the fast approaching turkey day holiday.  Basically, the talks that were prepared for sacrament today were prepared for me. I most definitely needed to hear them. It wasn't that I heard one specific line that made me know I needed to hear that today, but the way the talks were prepared and the spirit that the speakers conveyed brought me down to a whole new level and taught me as well as helped me understand why gratitude amongst trials is so important and necessary. I can't really describe how I felt, but all I know is that when I walked into that chapel, I felt the world pressing down on me and the extreme pain of loneliness and worthlessness that I thought I had finished feeling for awhile. When I walked out of the chapel, however, I felt a renewed sense of hope and love for everything in my life. I feel so incredibly grateful that I am actually here and that I've had such a crazy awesome opportunity to grow and learn immense things about myself. It's a little frustrating when people hear I'm only 18 and call me young and tell me I know nothing about life and about myself, but I know myself better than they do, and I know that while I may be 18 physically, I'm not 18 emotionally. I've had a lot of chances to grow in my life, starting when I was pretty young, and this moment in life right now, for me, is another one of those times when I've grown so much. If anything, I at least feel like I'm 19. :) In all actuality, I don't really care about age. But, on to the point.
I feel so grateful for the gospel and for the spirit, because going to church today was what I needed in order to change my attitude about life and to just keep trying even when things seem impossible. I know God is going to help me, even if I have been very angry with him for the past two weeks. It's time to repent and forget that anger and let the atonement take care of my pain, so that I can turn my frustrations and depression and everything into a positive outlook on life that is centered around Christ and living so that I can return to Him. 
After that amazing spiel, let me also inform you, I am giving a talk on Sunday :) Heh. The funny thing is, I was sitting in church thinking, this girl has only been here for a month and is already giving a talk. What have I not done to get noticed so that I can give a talk? I really want to give a talk! Crazy stuff happens when you're friends with God, though, because he prompts those around you to do the exact thing you've been waiting for. Right after Relief Society, the Bishop's assistant took me aside and asked me to give a talk next week.
So there you have it.
The spirit is real and works wonders in our lives each day. I absolutely LOVE it.
And on that positive note, I leave you until next time I write. Good day!

Whoop.

Someone is currently sleeping now... so I'm seizing the day and writing in my blog. It's been awhile. I apologize. Every single time I put It's, conjugated or not, as well as That, there is, there are, etc, at the beginning of my sentences, I feel a stab of guilt over the fact that I'm not changing it to a better sentence.  Stupid Fullmer. Brainwashed me, and the rest of the class I'm sure, into writing correctly. Or maybe just me. Who knows. All I know is the computer is being MEGA hardcore slow right now. In other news... Harry Potter is everywhere. But I don't believe I'll be able to see it until it possibly.... comes to Redbox..? Sigh. Anyway... I knew I had a bit of a purpose in writing this entry, but I don't really remember what it was.  SO as a result... I bid you farewell. But, not before I plead with you to listen to Duncan Sheik. Particuarily the song Reasons for Living. Very good song. I like him overall. Welp. Now I say goodbye. Goodbye!

Adventures in driving

SO. Big, long, crazy day. I woke up at 6:23AM to get clothes on and do whatever I needed to do before I went over to Tyler's (I had to be there by 7AM so his step dad could take my car to work). When I got there, Tyler was being his cute little self and spending some nice time sleeping. So I woke him up like he asked me to, and I went and got some breakfast in the kitchen. I spent the next hour and a half of the morning doing things like, watching tv, strolling around the kitchen, and watching tv some more. Finally, at like 8:52AM we left and got onto the 202 then the 101 around 9:10AM.  We drove to Black Canyon City where we decided we should probably fill up before getting to Flagstaff. Pulling up to this podunk little crappy gas station that didn't even have self serve pumps, we felt a little apprehensive. I suggested the Shell down the street, but we were already there and I'm pretty sure we both just wanted to keep moving. We went into the store, which smelled STRONGLY of cigarettes and booze and which also sold things like marijuana pipes and hookah, and gave the lady the card to fill up the tank. I then asked if they had a bathroom, to which she replied yes and gave me a key to unlock the outdoor room.  This is where the story becomes juuuust fabulous. I went into the bathroom, and it pretty much would be a great bathroom to be in a horror story.  There was a nice leak of water coming from the wall that had spread across the concrete floor, the toilet was pretty much brown from being so old, and the sink was concrete as well. To make matters even more awesome, there was a nice, classy condom dispenser. Point is, I felt like I got an STD just from walking in the door. (By the way, I did NOT sit on that toilet seat. No way would I do something stupid and chance sitting on something like that.) I brought back the key to the lady, and Tyler came into the place to get his card back. Before she gave it back, she went over to the other counter and blatantly wrote down his card number and pretty much tried to steal his identity. But, drugs and alcohol do indeed get to your brain, and the lady didn't think we'd be watching her do this. Tyler was smart enough to ask her for her name and blindsided her while doing so. No, we didn't confront her about it when it happened. Yes, she did have a gun strapped to her waist. No, she hasn't used his card yet. YES, we DID spend 25-30 minutes total stopped on the side of the road trying to reason with crazy outsourced customer service from Chase. We did work it out, and so far nothing bad has come of it. SO we continued on. By now it was 11AM. TERRIBLE time for getting out of the valley and up to flagstaff. If none of that had happened, we would have been in Flagstaff by the time we finished working all of that banky stuff out. Not to mention, the stress was pretty bad, and Sir Valiant was pretty angry. Very angry in fact... but he had every right to be. Basically, he drove to Flagstaff and we got there around noon. Pulled into a Subway because our tummies were quite angry themselves. I had a delicious grilled chicken, American cheese, mayo, lettuce, onions, and avocado on Italian herbs and spices bread sandwich. I don't usually like Subway, but when you put avocado on a sandwich, you have my heart. We sat in the car and ate, because, you know, eating in the actual establishment is just... well, weird. It was freezing. Actually, it was windy. It's not freezing there. It's freezing here, in Orem. WAIT. You don't know I reached my destination yet! AHHH. Rewind. It was cold and windy and bitter chilly. After we ate, I got in the driver's seat and drove all the way to Kanab, I seem to recall. At Kanab, we switched, and Tyler took the wheel until we got to Panguich, where it was very much so snowing. Yay. There were a few inches of snow on the road and we knew we had to get through a lot of canyon before coming home, so for a little bit we debated on if we wanted to stay at a hotel or not for the night. I kind of had the feeling that if we stayed we'd be even more stuck because the snow would continue through the night, so, we pressed on. We said a prayer once we got to Panguich, and started out taking the road slowly. Of course, there were those drivers who decided going 65 up a slippery canyon road is a good idea. Fact: it is NOT a good idea.  Silly people. We probably averaged around 30mph on the way through that first canyon. Once we got through that, we hit I-15. By the way, I again was at the wheel because I've lived in Utah my whole life and "know" how to drive in snow whereas Tyler has really not much experience with it. When we were on the freeway, we had a goooood ten miles of clear road before we again hit a snow storm. This time the snow was coming down so much that it actually got us both dizzy. When the road and landscape is so dark that all you can see is the road and the snow coming down through your headlights, you do get dizzy. Trick: Don't look at the snow. Look at the road. So that bad snow storm lasted through Fillmore. Which was very frustrating. I do feel a bit bad because I snapped at Tyler a lot and got really angry. What can I say? I absolutely hate and dread driving in the snow. If I had to walk across a tight rope over sharks, I'd probably do that before I drove on a snowy road. (Either way, death?) Don't quote me on this one, though. So the snow lasted all the way through Nephi and finally started to die down between Santaquin and Payson. The sad this is, during the drive between Beaver and Cove Fort, we probably were averaging 30mph again. It was bad. It took about 45 minutes to get through that section of road. Baaaaad. By the time we got to Nephi, it was 8:30PM. So yes, we had been in the car for almost 12 hours at that point. Thankfully, the roads were clear, and even though it was still snowing, I was able to average about 70mph, so that section of the drive went by super quickly. THANK GOODNESS! I don't think I could have lasted another hour. We finally got into Orem around 9:15PM. My eyes were drooping, and I couldn't stay in the lines on the road. It. Was. Great. So here I am, and it's 12:15 in the morning. For some reason, I'm not tired anymore. Tyler is out like a rock, and I stayed up to wait for Jane. I haven't seen her for quite some time. Or anyone else for that matter. Anyway, she's home now, but I hope you take the time to read this, because I spent a lot of time on the road today, and I spent a good 30 minutes writing this tonight, so there. Help utilize my time productively because I didn't get to today! And now I say, farewell! I'm going to bed, crazy heads.

Simple

I feel pretty well right now. I just finished helping Tyler clean his room and I finished cleaning the kitchen and living room. For some reason, cleaning really just gets me going. Man. Thank you Jessica for deeply rooting cleaning into my veins. Basically, now I'm watching Say Yes To The Dress. AH! Makes me want to wear wedding dresses. Sigh. Anyway. I don't have much more to say right now... just that I feel content and glad I get to go home tomorrow for a week! Yay!

Comfort

In the midst of my own personal pain and emotional agony that is very much so associated with trying to find a job but somehow stay hopeful, strong, and trusting, I found the song, My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee, on my computer.  It'd been awhile since I had heard it or even thought of it.  The last time I heard it was almost six months ago at my seminary graduation when I was in a small choir of students who sang it.  Again, as I try so hard to look for jobs and don't find any, with this raging headache, I remember the song again.  I've been singing it over and over and over and over and over in my head all weekend long, and I'm sure I'll continue to think about it constantly throughout the rest of forever.  It's a very beautiful and powerful song that I urge you to listen to.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irX0E4-mc9U&feature=related This version on youtube is great. However, don't be fooled by the talking in the beginning.  You need to go like two minutes into it to actually listen to the song.  Anyway, the lyrics move me every time I hear them, so I'd like to write them down for you to read as well.

"My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee"

For a little while have I forsaken thee,
But with great mercy will I care for thee.
For a little while I hid my face from thee.
For a moment.

But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee,
And with mercy will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
But know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

Though thine afflictions seem at times too great to bear,
I know thine every thought and every care.
And though the very jaws of Hell gape after thee,
I am with thee.

And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee,
And with healing will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
and the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
Know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

How long can rolling waters remain impure?
What power can stay the hand of God?
The Son of Man hath descended below all things.
Art thou greater than he?

So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest.
Fear not man for he cannot hurt thee.

And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee,
And with mercy will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
But know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

BAD!

In contrast to yesterday's apparent happy mood, I have been in a BAD mood today and remain in that state this evening.  I know I have complete control over my emotions in the sense that I can decide how I'm going to react to things and that I can change my mood if I really want to, but let's face it. Sometimes it feels like it's okay to be mad at life and angry with how things are going when the past months have been a constant struggle and no relief has come.  I have found that rather than channeling my frustrations and emotions through crying and being emotionally upset, I've become increasingly angry. It's probably not a good thing, but that's that. It's sometimes hard to see the good in such perceived hard situations.  It doesn't help that I can barely afford groceries yet feel like I'm fatter than ever. Who knows, maybe it's just the pants. All I know is today has been frustrating and I need to change my mood or find a way to let all of this built up angery out.  

goody

I am in a very happy mood. It may have to with the fact that I am watching old SNL clips. Yaaaay.

Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a nice job and end up living down by the river...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/down-by-the-river/243779/

yuck

I didn't do anything for Halloween. I ate tootsie pops. I still eat tootsie pops every chance I get.
Verrry frustrated at this exact moment.
BORED.
If the tv and computer were only available for moderate amounts in our lives, I would be extremely happy.  Sometimes I feel like we let them master us and determine our futures, near and far.  Right now, I should be looking and applying for jobs. If you want to do something discouraging, try to get a job. I feel trapped without work or something productive to do. I hate sitting around and doing nothing unless I've done something really hard and feel like I deserve to actually sit around and do nothing.
I'm just in a very ugly mood.

the in between spaces

I never posted my picture from yesterday. Here it is:

This is me recently. As in, today before I took a shower... at 1PM. Yea... I didn't go to class today. Big d.

Also, I don't really want to post a picture of what I ate. Fruit "rings", aka, not brand version of fruit loops.

Now, to begin my actual "post". 
Today has been a really great day, unsarcastically.  I woke up feeling somewhat sick and blech, so I decided not to go to class. Plus, I figured using the gas I would have used to get there wasn't worth spending 50 minutes listening to a crazy drone talk about his favorite things that aren't biology.  Plus, I only lose 2 points each time I'm not there, which, surprisingly, has only been twice now.
Another reason why I didn't go to class is because I didn't have a clean towel to shower with. So I didn't shower until after my laundry had been done. And thank goodness I did it. I love the feeling of having a new wardrobe again each time I do my laundry. Yay! lalalala.
I've spent a lot of time applying for jobs today.  I also spent a good two hours being angry and being in a bad mood. I'm starting to realize I have jealousy issues. Hah! I also am starting to realize how much I despise myself sometimes. I do like myself. Superficially. But since I really have no idea who I am deep inside, I get really annoyed and frustrating through the process of finding that out and figuring it out.  It's like post teenage angst. Except, I'm technically still a teenager. Soooo... post minor angst fits much better. So that's definitely been a downer lately. Finding out I have issues with myself sucks.
Other than that, I spent mooost of the day applying for jobs! I've been really productive. I'm praying for one specific one that is in a hospital as an admittance person. It fits all of my capacities, and I'd totally love working in a hospital. Please do me a solid and pray that I get it. I could reeeeeally use some extra faith right now.
I ate a brownie today. The long awaited brownie. The one that I knew my roommate would eventually make and that I didn't have to buy. It was so deelish.
Also, I found out my father has finally seen the light and decided to get a family plan. Yay for a phone bill that gets cut by more than half! Success, father, success.
I do miss Sweden. It's indescribable how amazing that place is. It changed my life.
I've realized I really like the in between spaces. Right now, I feel amazing because I feel like I am in an in between space. The in between spaces like the area between two major urbanized areas.  It's that feeling I get when I'm driving out in the middle of nowhere. Desolation almost completes me. There is something really calming about being somewhere no one knows you are. The country and the empty spaces create a feeling inside me that I know everything will be okay. And even if it isn't, I have those experiences, memories, and places to take me back to a time where everything seemed okay.  The in between spaces create my own personal contentment.
It's currently 4:41PM, and I am very content.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOEleaHmKsE&feature=related

back. sniper raven.

My back hurts.
I want to discover something new.

Day one:
I'll post a picture later.
Basically, today has been grood. But..ima thaiurd laday.  Seriously, it's been quite the productive Thursday.  Went to institute to start out. It was fab. I love that class. I learn something new about the scriptures and about myself each day I'm there. Plus, the asian girl in my class, who can't talk very well and apparently doesn't know my name, greets me by saying, "Hey beauty! How ah you?" Fantastic asians and their lack of R pronunciation. After institute, I drove promptly over to Tyler's where I set about sitting on the couch and watching tv for... an hour? Yes, that was productive. After which I looked for jobs for an hour and a half or so? I don't know how my time is matching up. No big. Anyway, at some point in the mid afternoon, I made waffles. Yummy. After which I probably sat around for another 30 minutes or something... anyway, around 3:15 I decided I needed to start sewing his mother's Halloween costume since she previously asked me to do so today.  Her name is Theresa. Since she's a very creative lady... she's being Mother Teresa. Anyway, point is, she had me sew blue strips of fabric to a white piece of fabric so that she could create a head thing like nuns wear but.... not... if you're confused look up Mother Teresa. She wears blue and white. Anywho... yep. I set about working on that. Annnnd worked on it until 6:10 when she came home and took over. Hopefully I didn't make it look too bad. BUT I ironed it! So it has to look good. I ironed it like 15 times throughout the process. After that, I cleaned the kitchen since I hadn't cleaned it after making waffles. Plus I really just like keeping their kitchen clean for some reason. I'm going to be such a cleaning lady nazi when I have my own house. Sooo now I'm just chilling here writing this while I wait for Tyler to come home from eating dinner with his father and sister and niece.  Yes, I was invited, but no, I didn't go because I felt like I had a "duty" to work on that costume. Stupid. I should have started it earlier. Buuut fancy that, I didn't. So now I'm here. Welp. I suppose that ends my post for now. I'll post my picture later tonight if I remember and whatever else I may feel like writing. Until then, peace on Earth and good will toward men.

days

I know everyone is doing this with their blogs. Or maybe not everyone, but at least two people. Anyway. I'm here to steal it and do it. Begin: tomorrow. If I remember.

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and how your day was.

Day 2 - A photo of something you ate today,
Day 3 - A photo of the perfect first date
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

inglorious

I sit here in the inglorious study lab in the life sciences building at MCC (rather, glorified high school) at a very plain desk doing very plain work: applying for jobs. Blargh.  But in all reality, am I really applying for jobs if I am writing a blog? Not necessarily. However, I do have most of the day seeing as Tyler won't be home until like 6:30 tonight. Thus, I must entertain myself until the time when I can go over and hang out with my homie.  I really like blogging when I remember to do it. I've been thinking A LOT lately, for some reason, about what kind of mother and wife I want to become.  That pretty much explains my current craze thinking about (and sometimes doing) all of the little projects I want to do in order to create a humble yet peaceful space that is my future home.  Once I find a job and have money, I honestly plan on learning how to cook with a variety of foods that are healthy.  I never wanted to admit it, but I actually love the way Andrea and Phil eat. I really, reallllly! want to model my eating and cooking after theirs, with a few modifications.  The one thing I have been relatively consistent in whilst living here has been my exercise.  I go running in the mornings at least three times a week.  I'm lucky if I do six days, but I still feel better than I ever have. It's great.  Moving down here has been such an amazing experience.  I have grown so much and I'm really proud of the way I've handled being so far away from home and everything I'm familiar with.  I'm starting to feel like Mesa is a part of me now.  I won't lie, living here has definitely been a struggle in and of itself. I have been looking for a job and haven't found one in two months, I've been homesick at least once a week since I've been here, and I've been put way out of my comfort zone in so many instances.. BUT. Despite all of that, the good WAY balances out the bad.  First of all, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I feel comfortable being who I am without the fear of being constantly judged. (Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a bad person nor do I make very bad choices, but living in Utah? If you do anything differently than "the church" ((rather, the members)) has said to do, you're pretty much ostracized. Hence the reason so many kids go off the deep end and never return. but anyway...) I have learned a loooot about myself and the sort of challenges I can handle.  I've learned so much about how to trust God through this whole experience. I'm not perfect, mind you, but, I do feel like I've been forced into trusting Him rather than working by myself and going off of what I can do.  And I like trusting Him. I like feeling that no matter how hard something is, He'll get you through it. Who knows what He'll do for me. It might not even be the way I expect it, but it'll come.  I have  to believe that, and I do.  Another thing that has been amazing about being down here is making new friends in my ward and with my roommates.  I got called to be on the FHE committe and I couldnt be happier. It makes it so I have a reason to go to fhe and to become friends with people I would never have expected to become friends with.  There are so many amazing people down here. The members are amazing, and the non-members are amazing.  I love it! I've also loved being able to spend each day with Tyler.  Even if it is sometimes only for a few hours, it's still fabulous.  He has taken SUCH good care of me when I haven't been able to take care of myself.  That man is from somewhere else. I've never been treated so special.  To make it even better, he is my best friend. Friends have always, always been an issue for me. Maybe something is wrong with me, but somehow the people I meet and become "friends" with have never turned out to be true friends.  But, with Tyler, I've never felt like our friendship was bad or like there was something wrong with it.  I love being able to trust him and to feel like with him I can reach my true potential that God has set out for me to reach.  Lastly, I feel happy. I truely am happy where I am, and I love it. Life is amazing. It's so completely hard, but it's so worth it! I am so grateful I am here, sitting in this inglorious desk, in this plain room, at this ordinary community college, because life here really is glorious. 

restart

I am attempting to restart my blog and actually keep it updated. Plus I guess it will give anyone who cares some real nice and dandy "insight" into what is going on in my life.  For example... currently I feel absolutely dreadful and disgusting.  I didn't shower today, and I've basically been in el dumpster for the past two hours. You can decide whether you want to take that literally or not.  But for real man, I hate looking for a job. Rejection after rejection gets pretty monotonous and painful after awhile.  So, here's to today and to feeling like absolute nothing. Cheers.