Lemon-berry slushie...

Divine.
I think I gave up on that whole, day 1, day 2, day 3... etc, posting thing.
So Thanksgiving was very enjoyable yesterday. It was pretty different from my usual Thanksgivings, and it was the first one I had away from home, but it was good nonetheless. I do hope I am able to come home for Christmas, though.
I know I'm a nerd, but I love http://www.freearcade.com/.  Addicting, but very fun if you can find the right games.
I guess this post is going to be pretty random.
Tyler is sleeping right now and looks adorable. I love it.
Speaking of Tyler, I believe we're going on a "date" tonight, consisting of getting sandwiches at Sprout's and then a Redbox. We'll see if it actually goes down.
This computer randomly erases half of whatever I'm doing whenever I use it. It just erased half of this post, so here I am, re-writing it.
I think I'm going to play a game now.

Churchy renewing my hopey

I must admit.
This morning when I woke up, I was not feeling happy, hopeful, grateful, healthy, etc.  Basically, it was me against the world, with the world taking a big, big lead. To make matters worse, I have been going to church alone lately because my roommates either go to different wards or go home or just don't go, so I was looking forward to feeling like a loser and sitting by myself all through church. By the way, isn't it funny how often we base our decisions off of how people will react or what they'll think of us afterward? Isn't it enough just to be ourselves and be loved for everything we are? I suddenly feel inspired.
So, I got ready for church and sat on my bed in my room pretty much the whole morning doing stuff on my computer while I waited the time away. When I actually got to church, I was feeling quite depressed. I was most definitely down on myself and on my whole situation in life (mainly the fact that I still don't have a job, but no worries). I picked a random bench and sat next to a woman who I'd never met before. While I was sitting in sacrament meeting, thinking about all of the terrible things going on in my life and wondering how I will possibly ever make it through, I was extremely moved by the talks. Apparently it didn't cross my mind that the topic would be on gratitude due to the fast approaching turkey day holiday.  Basically, the talks that were prepared for sacrament today were prepared for me. I most definitely needed to hear them. It wasn't that I heard one specific line that made me know I needed to hear that today, but the way the talks were prepared and the spirit that the speakers conveyed brought me down to a whole new level and taught me as well as helped me understand why gratitude amongst trials is so important and necessary. I can't really describe how I felt, but all I know is that when I walked into that chapel, I felt the world pressing down on me and the extreme pain of loneliness and worthlessness that I thought I had finished feeling for awhile. When I walked out of the chapel, however, I felt a renewed sense of hope and love for everything in my life. I feel so incredibly grateful that I am actually here and that I've had such a crazy awesome opportunity to grow and learn immense things about myself. It's a little frustrating when people hear I'm only 18 and call me young and tell me I know nothing about life and about myself, but I know myself better than they do, and I know that while I may be 18 physically, I'm not 18 emotionally. I've had a lot of chances to grow in my life, starting when I was pretty young, and this moment in life right now, for me, is another one of those times when I've grown so much. If anything, I at least feel like I'm 19. :) In all actuality, I don't really care about age. But, on to the point.
I feel so grateful for the gospel and for the spirit, because going to church today was what I needed in order to change my attitude about life and to just keep trying even when things seem impossible. I know God is going to help me, even if I have been very angry with him for the past two weeks. It's time to repent and forget that anger and let the atonement take care of my pain, so that I can turn my frustrations and depression and everything into a positive outlook on life that is centered around Christ and living so that I can return to Him. 
After that amazing spiel, let me also inform you, I am giving a talk on Sunday :) Heh. The funny thing is, I was sitting in church thinking, this girl has only been here for a month and is already giving a talk. What have I not done to get noticed so that I can give a talk? I really want to give a talk! Crazy stuff happens when you're friends with God, though, because he prompts those around you to do the exact thing you've been waiting for. Right after Relief Society, the Bishop's assistant took me aside and asked me to give a talk next week.
So there you have it.
The spirit is real and works wonders in our lives each day. I absolutely LOVE it.
And on that positive note, I leave you until next time I write. Good day!

Whoop.

Someone is currently sleeping now... so I'm seizing the day and writing in my blog. It's been awhile. I apologize. Every single time I put It's, conjugated or not, as well as That, there is, there are, etc, at the beginning of my sentences, I feel a stab of guilt over the fact that I'm not changing it to a better sentence.  Stupid Fullmer. Brainwashed me, and the rest of the class I'm sure, into writing correctly. Or maybe just me. Who knows. All I know is the computer is being MEGA hardcore slow right now. In other news... Harry Potter is everywhere. But I don't believe I'll be able to see it until it possibly.... comes to Redbox..? Sigh. Anyway... I knew I had a bit of a purpose in writing this entry, but I don't really remember what it was.  SO as a result... I bid you farewell. But, not before I plead with you to listen to Duncan Sheik. Particuarily the song Reasons for Living. Very good song. I like him overall. Welp. Now I say goodbye. Goodbye!

Adventures in driving

SO. Big, long, crazy day. I woke up at 6:23AM to get clothes on and do whatever I needed to do before I went over to Tyler's (I had to be there by 7AM so his step dad could take my car to work). When I got there, Tyler was being his cute little self and spending some nice time sleeping. So I woke him up like he asked me to, and I went and got some breakfast in the kitchen. I spent the next hour and a half of the morning doing things like, watching tv, strolling around the kitchen, and watching tv some more. Finally, at like 8:52AM we left and got onto the 202 then the 101 around 9:10AM.  We drove to Black Canyon City where we decided we should probably fill up before getting to Flagstaff. Pulling up to this podunk little crappy gas station that didn't even have self serve pumps, we felt a little apprehensive. I suggested the Shell down the street, but we were already there and I'm pretty sure we both just wanted to keep moving. We went into the store, which smelled STRONGLY of cigarettes and booze and which also sold things like marijuana pipes and hookah, and gave the lady the card to fill up the tank. I then asked if they had a bathroom, to which she replied yes and gave me a key to unlock the outdoor room.  This is where the story becomes juuuust fabulous. I went into the bathroom, and it pretty much would be a great bathroom to be in a horror story.  There was a nice leak of water coming from the wall that had spread across the concrete floor, the toilet was pretty much brown from being so old, and the sink was concrete as well. To make matters even more awesome, there was a nice, classy condom dispenser. Point is, I felt like I got an STD just from walking in the door. (By the way, I did NOT sit on that toilet seat. No way would I do something stupid and chance sitting on something like that.) I brought back the key to the lady, and Tyler came into the place to get his card back. Before she gave it back, she went over to the other counter and blatantly wrote down his card number and pretty much tried to steal his identity. But, drugs and alcohol do indeed get to your brain, and the lady didn't think we'd be watching her do this. Tyler was smart enough to ask her for her name and blindsided her while doing so. No, we didn't confront her about it when it happened. Yes, she did have a gun strapped to her waist. No, she hasn't used his card yet. YES, we DID spend 25-30 minutes total stopped on the side of the road trying to reason with crazy outsourced customer service from Chase. We did work it out, and so far nothing bad has come of it. SO we continued on. By now it was 11AM. TERRIBLE time for getting out of the valley and up to flagstaff. If none of that had happened, we would have been in Flagstaff by the time we finished working all of that banky stuff out. Not to mention, the stress was pretty bad, and Sir Valiant was pretty angry. Very angry in fact... but he had every right to be. Basically, he drove to Flagstaff and we got there around noon. Pulled into a Subway because our tummies were quite angry themselves. I had a delicious grilled chicken, American cheese, mayo, lettuce, onions, and avocado on Italian herbs and spices bread sandwich. I don't usually like Subway, but when you put avocado on a sandwich, you have my heart. We sat in the car and ate, because, you know, eating in the actual establishment is just... well, weird. It was freezing. Actually, it was windy. It's not freezing there. It's freezing here, in Orem. WAIT. You don't know I reached my destination yet! AHHH. Rewind. It was cold and windy and bitter chilly. After we ate, I got in the driver's seat and drove all the way to Kanab, I seem to recall. At Kanab, we switched, and Tyler took the wheel until we got to Panguich, where it was very much so snowing. Yay. There were a few inches of snow on the road and we knew we had to get through a lot of canyon before coming home, so for a little bit we debated on if we wanted to stay at a hotel or not for the night. I kind of had the feeling that if we stayed we'd be even more stuck because the snow would continue through the night, so, we pressed on. We said a prayer once we got to Panguich, and started out taking the road slowly. Of course, there were those drivers who decided going 65 up a slippery canyon road is a good idea. Fact: it is NOT a good idea.  Silly people. We probably averaged around 30mph on the way through that first canyon. Once we got through that, we hit I-15. By the way, I again was at the wheel because I've lived in Utah my whole life and "know" how to drive in snow whereas Tyler has really not much experience with it. When we were on the freeway, we had a goooood ten miles of clear road before we again hit a snow storm. This time the snow was coming down so much that it actually got us both dizzy. When the road and landscape is so dark that all you can see is the road and the snow coming down through your headlights, you do get dizzy. Trick: Don't look at the snow. Look at the road. So that bad snow storm lasted through Fillmore. Which was very frustrating. I do feel a bit bad because I snapped at Tyler a lot and got really angry. What can I say? I absolutely hate and dread driving in the snow. If I had to walk across a tight rope over sharks, I'd probably do that before I drove on a snowy road. (Either way, death?) Don't quote me on this one, though. So the snow lasted all the way through Nephi and finally started to die down between Santaquin and Payson. The sad this is, during the drive between Beaver and Cove Fort, we probably were averaging 30mph again. It was bad. It took about 45 minutes to get through that section of road. Baaaaad. By the time we got to Nephi, it was 8:30PM. So yes, we had been in the car for almost 12 hours at that point. Thankfully, the roads were clear, and even though it was still snowing, I was able to average about 70mph, so that section of the drive went by super quickly. THANK GOODNESS! I don't think I could have lasted another hour. We finally got into Orem around 9:15PM. My eyes were drooping, and I couldn't stay in the lines on the road. It. Was. Great. So here I am, and it's 12:15 in the morning. For some reason, I'm not tired anymore. Tyler is out like a rock, and I stayed up to wait for Jane. I haven't seen her for quite some time. Or anyone else for that matter. Anyway, she's home now, but I hope you take the time to read this, because I spent a lot of time on the road today, and I spent a good 30 minutes writing this tonight, so there. Help utilize my time productively because I didn't get to today! And now I say, farewell! I'm going to bed, crazy heads.

Simple

I feel pretty well right now. I just finished helping Tyler clean his room and I finished cleaning the kitchen and living room. For some reason, cleaning really just gets me going. Man. Thank you Jessica for deeply rooting cleaning into my veins. Basically, now I'm watching Say Yes To The Dress. AH! Makes me want to wear wedding dresses. Sigh. Anyway. I don't have much more to say right now... just that I feel content and glad I get to go home tomorrow for a week! Yay!

Comfort

In the midst of my own personal pain and emotional agony that is very much so associated with trying to find a job but somehow stay hopeful, strong, and trusting, I found the song, My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee, on my computer.  It'd been awhile since I had heard it or even thought of it.  The last time I heard it was almost six months ago at my seminary graduation when I was in a small choir of students who sang it.  Again, as I try so hard to look for jobs and don't find any, with this raging headache, I remember the song again.  I've been singing it over and over and over and over and over in my head all weekend long, and I'm sure I'll continue to think about it constantly throughout the rest of forever.  It's a very beautiful and powerful song that I urge you to listen to.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irX0E4-mc9U&feature=related This version on youtube is great. However, don't be fooled by the talking in the beginning.  You need to go like two minutes into it to actually listen to the song.  Anyway, the lyrics move me every time I hear them, so I'd like to write them down for you to read as well.

"My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee"

For a little while have I forsaken thee,
But with great mercy will I care for thee.
For a little while I hid my face from thee.
For a moment.

But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee,
And with mercy will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
But know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

Though thine afflictions seem at times too great to bear,
I know thine every thought and every care.
And though the very jaws of Hell gape after thee,
I am with thee.

And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee,
And with healing will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
and the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
Know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

How long can rolling waters remain impure?
What power can stay the hand of God?
The Son of Man hath descended below all things.
Art thou greater than he?

So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest.
Fear not man for he cannot hurt thee.

And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee,
And with mercy will I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea.
But know my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

BAD!

In contrast to yesterday's apparent happy mood, I have been in a BAD mood today and remain in that state this evening.  I know I have complete control over my emotions in the sense that I can decide how I'm going to react to things and that I can change my mood if I really want to, but let's face it. Sometimes it feels like it's okay to be mad at life and angry with how things are going when the past months have been a constant struggle and no relief has come.  I have found that rather than channeling my frustrations and emotions through crying and being emotionally upset, I've become increasingly angry. It's probably not a good thing, but that's that. It's sometimes hard to see the good in such perceived hard situations.  It doesn't help that I can barely afford groceries yet feel like I'm fatter than ever. Who knows, maybe it's just the pants. All I know is today has been frustrating and I need to change my mood or find a way to let all of this built up angery out.  

goody

I am in a very happy mood. It may have to with the fact that I am watching old SNL clips. Yaaaay.

Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a nice job and end up living down by the river...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/down-by-the-river/243779/

yuck

I didn't do anything for Halloween. I ate tootsie pops. I still eat tootsie pops every chance I get.
Verrry frustrated at this exact moment.
BORED.
If the tv and computer were only available for moderate amounts in our lives, I would be extremely happy.  Sometimes I feel like we let them master us and determine our futures, near and far.  Right now, I should be looking and applying for jobs. If you want to do something discouraging, try to get a job. I feel trapped without work or something productive to do. I hate sitting around and doing nothing unless I've done something really hard and feel like I deserve to actually sit around and do nothing.
I'm just in a very ugly mood.