inglorious

I sit here in the inglorious study lab in the life sciences building at MCC (rather, glorified high school) at a very plain desk doing very plain work: applying for jobs. Blargh.  But in all reality, am I really applying for jobs if I am writing a blog? Not necessarily. However, I do have most of the day seeing as Tyler won't be home until like 6:30 tonight. Thus, I must entertain myself until the time when I can go over and hang out with my homie.  I really like blogging when I remember to do it. I've been thinking A LOT lately, for some reason, about what kind of mother and wife I want to become.  That pretty much explains my current craze thinking about (and sometimes doing) all of the little projects I want to do in order to create a humble yet peaceful space that is my future home.  Once I find a job and have money, I honestly plan on learning how to cook with a variety of foods that are healthy.  I never wanted to admit it, but I actually love the way Andrea and Phil eat. I really, reallllly! want to model my eating and cooking after theirs, with a few modifications.  The one thing I have been relatively consistent in whilst living here has been my exercise.  I go running in the mornings at least three times a week.  I'm lucky if I do six days, but I still feel better than I ever have. It's great.  Moving down here has been such an amazing experience.  I have grown so much and I'm really proud of the way I've handled being so far away from home and everything I'm familiar with.  I'm starting to feel like Mesa is a part of me now.  I won't lie, living here has definitely been a struggle in and of itself. I have been looking for a job and haven't found one in two months, I've been homesick at least once a week since I've been here, and I've been put way out of my comfort zone in so many instances.. BUT. Despite all of that, the good WAY balances out the bad.  First of all, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I feel comfortable being who I am without the fear of being constantly judged. (Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a bad person nor do I make very bad choices, but living in Utah? If you do anything differently than "the church" ((rather, the members)) has said to do, you're pretty much ostracized. Hence the reason so many kids go off the deep end and never return. but anyway...) I have learned a loooot about myself and the sort of challenges I can handle.  I've learned so much about how to trust God through this whole experience. I'm not perfect, mind you, but, I do feel like I've been forced into trusting Him rather than working by myself and going off of what I can do.  And I like trusting Him. I like feeling that no matter how hard something is, He'll get you through it. Who knows what He'll do for me. It might not even be the way I expect it, but it'll come.  I have  to believe that, and I do.  Another thing that has been amazing about being down here is making new friends in my ward and with my roommates.  I got called to be on the FHE committe and I couldnt be happier. It makes it so I have a reason to go to fhe and to become friends with people I would never have expected to become friends with.  There are so many amazing people down here. The members are amazing, and the non-members are amazing.  I love it! I've also loved being able to spend each day with Tyler.  Even if it is sometimes only for a few hours, it's still fabulous.  He has taken SUCH good care of me when I haven't been able to take care of myself.  That man is from somewhere else. I've never been treated so special.  To make it even better, he is my best friend. Friends have always, always been an issue for me. Maybe something is wrong with me, but somehow the people I meet and become "friends" with have never turned out to be true friends.  But, with Tyler, I've never felt like our friendship was bad or like there was something wrong with it.  I love being able to trust him and to feel like with him I can reach my true potential that God has set out for me to reach.  Lastly, I feel happy. I truely am happy where I am, and I love it. Life is amazing. It's so completely hard, but it's so worth it! I am so grateful I am here, sitting in this inglorious desk, in this plain room, at this ordinary community college, because life here really is glorious.