the in between spaces

I never posted my picture from yesterday. Here it is:

This is me recently. As in, today before I took a shower... at 1PM. Yea... I didn't go to class today. Big d.

Also, I don't really want to post a picture of what I ate. Fruit "rings", aka, not brand version of fruit loops.

Now, to begin my actual "post". 
Today has been a really great day, unsarcastically.  I woke up feeling somewhat sick and blech, so I decided not to go to class. Plus, I figured using the gas I would have used to get there wasn't worth spending 50 minutes listening to a crazy drone talk about his favorite things that aren't biology.  Plus, I only lose 2 points each time I'm not there, which, surprisingly, has only been twice now.
Another reason why I didn't go to class is because I didn't have a clean towel to shower with. So I didn't shower until after my laundry had been done. And thank goodness I did it. I love the feeling of having a new wardrobe again each time I do my laundry. Yay! lalalala.
I've spent a lot of time applying for jobs today.  I also spent a good two hours being angry and being in a bad mood. I'm starting to realize I have jealousy issues. Hah! I also am starting to realize how much I despise myself sometimes. I do like myself. Superficially. But since I really have no idea who I am deep inside, I get really annoyed and frustrating through the process of finding that out and figuring it out.  It's like post teenage angst. Except, I'm technically still a teenager. Soooo... post minor angst fits much better. So that's definitely been a downer lately. Finding out I have issues with myself sucks.
Other than that, I spent mooost of the day applying for jobs! I've been really productive. I'm praying for one specific one that is in a hospital as an admittance person. It fits all of my capacities, and I'd totally love working in a hospital. Please do me a solid and pray that I get it. I could reeeeeally use some extra faith right now.
I ate a brownie today. The long awaited brownie. The one that I knew my roommate would eventually make and that I didn't have to buy. It was so deelish.
Also, I found out my father has finally seen the light and decided to get a family plan. Yay for a phone bill that gets cut by more than half! Success, father, success.
I do miss Sweden. It's indescribable how amazing that place is. It changed my life.
I've realized I really like the in between spaces. Right now, I feel amazing because I feel like I am in an in between space. The in between spaces like the area between two major urbanized areas.  It's that feeling I get when I'm driving out in the middle of nowhere. Desolation almost completes me. There is something really calming about being somewhere no one knows you are. The country and the empty spaces create a feeling inside me that I know everything will be okay. And even if it isn't, I have those experiences, memories, and places to take me back to a time where everything seemed okay.  The in between spaces create my own personal contentment.
It's currently 4:41PM, and I am very content.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOEleaHmKsE&feature=related

back. sniper raven.

My back hurts.
I want to discover something new.

Day one:
I'll post a picture later.
Basically, today has been grood. But..ima thaiurd laday.  Seriously, it's been quite the productive Thursday.  Went to institute to start out. It was fab. I love that class. I learn something new about the scriptures and about myself each day I'm there. Plus, the asian girl in my class, who can't talk very well and apparently doesn't know my name, greets me by saying, "Hey beauty! How ah you?" Fantastic asians and their lack of R pronunciation. After institute, I drove promptly over to Tyler's where I set about sitting on the couch and watching tv for... an hour? Yes, that was productive. After which I looked for jobs for an hour and a half or so? I don't know how my time is matching up. No big. Anyway, at some point in the mid afternoon, I made waffles. Yummy. After which I probably sat around for another 30 minutes or something... anyway, around 3:15 I decided I needed to start sewing his mother's Halloween costume since she previously asked me to do so today.  Her name is Theresa. Since she's a very creative lady... she's being Mother Teresa. Anyway, point is, she had me sew blue strips of fabric to a white piece of fabric so that she could create a head thing like nuns wear but.... not... if you're confused look up Mother Teresa. She wears blue and white. Anywho... yep. I set about working on that. Annnnd worked on it until 6:10 when she came home and took over. Hopefully I didn't make it look too bad. BUT I ironed it! So it has to look good. I ironed it like 15 times throughout the process. After that, I cleaned the kitchen since I hadn't cleaned it after making waffles. Plus I really just like keeping their kitchen clean for some reason. I'm going to be such a cleaning lady nazi when I have my own house. Sooo now I'm just chilling here writing this while I wait for Tyler to come home from eating dinner with his father and sister and niece.  Yes, I was invited, but no, I didn't go because I felt like I had a "duty" to work on that costume. Stupid. I should have started it earlier. Buuut fancy that, I didn't. So now I'm here. Welp. I suppose that ends my post for now. I'll post my picture later tonight if I remember and whatever else I may feel like writing. Until then, peace on Earth and good will toward men.

days

I know everyone is doing this with their blogs. Or maybe not everyone, but at least two people. Anyway. I'm here to steal it and do it. Begin: tomorrow. If I remember.

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and how your day was.

Day 2 - A photo of something you ate today,
Day 3 - A photo of the perfect first date
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

inglorious

I sit here in the inglorious study lab in the life sciences building at MCC (rather, glorified high school) at a very plain desk doing very plain work: applying for jobs. Blargh.  But in all reality, am I really applying for jobs if I am writing a blog? Not necessarily. However, I do have most of the day seeing as Tyler won't be home until like 6:30 tonight. Thus, I must entertain myself until the time when I can go over and hang out with my homie.  I really like blogging when I remember to do it. I've been thinking A LOT lately, for some reason, about what kind of mother and wife I want to become.  That pretty much explains my current craze thinking about (and sometimes doing) all of the little projects I want to do in order to create a humble yet peaceful space that is my future home.  Once I find a job and have money, I honestly plan on learning how to cook with a variety of foods that are healthy.  I never wanted to admit it, but I actually love the way Andrea and Phil eat. I really, reallllly! want to model my eating and cooking after theirs, with a few modifications.  The one thing I have been relatively consistent in whilst living here has been my exercise.  I go running in the mornings at least three times a week.  I'm lucky if I do six days, but I still feel better than I ever have. It's great.  Moving down here has been such an amazing experience.  I have grown so much and I'm really proud of the way I've handled being so far away from home and everything I'm familiar with.  I'm starting to feel like Mesa is a part of me now.  I won't lie, living here has definitely been a struggle in and of itself. I have been looking for a job and haven't found one in two months, I've been homesick at least once a week since I've been here, and I've been put way out of my comfort zone in so many instances.. BUT. Despite all of that, the good WAY balances out the bad.  First of all, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I feel comfortable being who I am without the fear of being constantly judged. (Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a bad person nor do I make very bad choices, but living in Utah? If you do anything differently than "the church" ((rather, the members)) has said to do, you're pretty much ostracized. Hence the reason so many kids go off the deep end and never return. but anyway...) I have learned a loooot about myself and the sort of challenges I can handle.  I've learned so much about how to trust God through this whole experience. I'm not perfect, mind you, but, I do feel like I've been forced into trusting Him rather than working by myself and going off of what I can do.  And I like trusting Him. I like feeling that no matter how hard something is, He'll get you through it. Who knows what He'll do for me. It might not even be the way I expect it, but it'll come.  I have  to believe that, and I do.  Another thing that has been amazing about being down here is making new friends in my ward and with my roommates.  I got called to be on the FHE committe and I couldnt be happier. It makes it so I have a reason to go to fhe and to become friends with people I would never have expected to become friends with.  There are so many amazing people down here. The members are amazing, and the non-members are amazing.  I love it! I've also loved being able to spend each day with Tyler.  Even if it is sometimes only for a few hours, it's still fabulous.  He has taken SUCH good care of me when I haven't been able to take care of myself.  That man is from somewhere else. I've never been treated so special.  To make it even better, he is my best friend. Friends have always, always been an issue for me. Maybe something is wrong with me, but somehow the people I meet and become "friends" with have never turned out to be true friends.  But, with Tyler, I've never felt like our friendship was bad or like there was something wrong with it.  I love being able to trust him and to feel like with him I can reach my true potential that God has set out for me to reach.  Lastly, I feel happy. I truely am happy where I am, and I love it. Life is amazing. It's so completely hard, but it's so worth it! I am so grateful I am here, sitting in this inglorious desk, in this plain room, at this ordinary community college, because life here really is glorious. 

restart

I am attempting to restart my blog and actually keep it updated. Plus I guess it will give anyone who cares some real nice and dandy "insight" into what is going on in my life.  For example... currently I feel absolutely dreadful and disgusting.  I didn't shower today, and I've basically been in el dumpster for the past two hours. You can decide whether you want to take that literally or not.  But for real man, I hate looking for a job. Rejection after rejection gets pretty monotonous and painful after awhile.  So, here's to today and to feeling like absolute nothing. Cheers.